A Man A Day
by Brigsee
Summary: Sc-Fi adventure. Marooned and disguised in human form, a female alien causes havoc on Earth. She's pursued by a vengeful alien male scientist also disguised. His duty, destroy her. Destroy her DNA, or else the universal battle of the sexes be lost forever. Unsuspecting earthlings become embroiled in an alien feud.
1. UFO's De-Classified

Spacecraft from Planet Yewfoe in a neighboring galaxy, habitually sight see in Earth's atmosphere. Adventurous, intrepid travelers, the Yewfoe embarked in intergalactic exploration almost a millennium past. Please note: be it intergalactic travel, industry and commerce, government or military, Planet Yewfoe's dominant gender is the female. Women also nurture the children, preserve the culture, protect the planet's environment and safeguard alien species on colonized planets and moons.

Considered inferior and brash, men withdraw politely from intellectual discussion, unless expressly invited to offer comment. Thought incapable of rearing children, this might otherwise be an appropriate male occupation, releasing women to fulfill their ambition and destiny. Although some Yewfoe matriarchy argue this would in fact forfeit a woman's "essence" to man.

You shudder and ask, 'Was this always the male plight?' No! The Yewfoe male once enjoyed privileged society until the techno-reforms; society's revolt against elitist male technocrats.

Leisure time addiction (LTA) crept unnoticed over several centuries from 2 to 4%, then accelerated to 40% in the following hundred years. Politically incorrect terms such as "Chronic Parasites", "Bludgers" or "Blood-suckers" are swiftly condemned by lobbyist. You may ask, 'Lobbyist for whom?' Technocrats of course; these are not Yewfoe parasites or gypsy's, but highly regarded consumers.

Labor saving robots, AI, food printers, embraced to excess by all Yewfoe. Male and female alike succumb to sophisticated marketing, "No more cooking", fabricated packaged meals, so easy, so fast. "The Latest" is the best and most fashionable. "The Latest" never lingers very long. Newer technology follows at a furious pace; obsoletism trashing the planet.

Who pays for this? Certainly not the technocrats; mission statements exclude subsidy for LTA new technology purchases. Mission statements fail to disclose an unwritten policy of "Public Purse" avoidance. The media glamorize rapid stock rises and ridiculous personal wealth valuations. First comparisons, "Richer than such and such a moon!" Followed by "More wealthy than such and such a planet!" In a matter of time a technocrat's wealth exceeds that of a small galaxy. A compliant media never investigate "Who pays for all this?"

An ever shrinking Yewfoe middle-class, burdened with funding the "Public Purse" eventually ask, "Who controls the media, who controls our lives?" Oblivious to society's growing revulsion, the technocrats ignore legitimate demands for consultation. Phony marketing of altruistic aspirations unveiled; inevitable revolution and far-reaching reform.

A vast male contingent, arm in arm with sisters, rising against the techno-foe, become revolution's regrettable casualty. The Council of Matriarch's [AKA Sentinel Sisters] resist compassion and decree the following. "Male Yewfoe fundamentally find purpose in life devising, inventing and marketing new technology. To protect the planet against all future male inspired gratuitous technology, absolute restraint of the entire male population at this point becomes necessary." The "Anti-Gratuitous Technology Act" passes into law; males voluntarily surrender liberty to assure the planet's future.

Yewfoe males colonize the many mining and agricultural outposts scattered across the universe. Therapists advise despondent colonists to seek comfort in homosexual relationships. Some males take a crack at homosexuality. Immersed in a new role providing pleasure and discovering it far more rewarding, bitches self-mutilate genitals. For the most part younger males compensate the absence of women and participate in vigorous sport. The injury shy and older males partake in hobbies and or philosophical debate. However invention and anything technical remain unlawful and strictly policed. Colony spies quickly inform Sentinel Sisters of violations under the "Anti-Male Technology Act".

Planet Yewfoe's meager male population consists of select male breeder stock, non-commissioned military, and a compliant scientific community. New technology produced by females or produced under strict female supervision is lawful under the "Anti-Male Technology Act".

Picture a meter tall ten-pin, upright and rounded at the bottom; not flat. A human size pear-shaped head atop, pear apex points down pushed into the ten-pin neck.

Yewfoe skin pigmentation varies, carotene being most common, a lime complexion always nice, but a rare pigment free pale complexion, utmost enviable. Common brown eyes abound especially so with common carotene complexion; blue or green eyes cherished as a rule. Treasured black-eyes signify Yewfoe beauty. Slender eyes sweep back from a typical sharp nose to almost the ears, perfect for wide vision; their forward focus inferior to a human's.

The Yewfoe converse in short slightly high-pitched sentences, not dissimilar to human speech. The Yewfoe enjoy one language, and articulate reliably, if not dutifully. Dainty fold back ears link directly to a Yewfoe intrinsicator, boosting this otherwise weak auditory sensor.

Inserted at birth, a miniaturized sound sensitive power source, the intrinsicator connects to the Yewfoe inner-ear. Noise activation enhances auditory response.

Improved and powered-up the intrinsicator endows the Yewfoe with increased agility and mobility including flight. A revolutionary physical upgrade; be it a technocrat brainchild. Flight enjoyed by all, including males. No longer grounded; Yewfoe cultures greatest leap forward, courtesy of female improvisation. History revised courtesy of "Sentinel Sisters". Some studies suggest intellectual stagnation, even regression since intrinsicator uptake. Such studies reside unpublished.

Medical trials connecting the intrinsicator to a Yewfoe brain proved fatal. Although conducted on volunteer male prisoners, fatal outcomes perhaps construed as capital punishment are abruptly terminated. Murder in any form, strictly taboo, Yewfoe punishment for serious or persistent criminals is prolonged isolation. Horrendous crime incurs banishment.

First offenders for minor crimes are subjected to loud sharp pitched noise that stimulates the intrinsicator, causing sharp excruciating pain. Swift punishment more often than not preferred to isolation. Extremely auto phobic the Yewfoe fear solitude worse than death; voluntary hermits are virtually unheard of.

From tiny Yewfoe mouths, set below expansive cheeks, a long slender purple tongue extends bottom lip by a centimeter or two. Holding "ones tongue", inside an adult Yewfoe mouth requires immense exertion. Ageing tongues extend further, and ageing degrades the color to motley purple. Tongue tip amputation for more vain senior citizens, a monumental dilemma. Older Yewfoe love to reminisce, no tongue tip, no audience to listen and politely applaud. And should an older Yewfoe score a younger lover, an amputated tongue-tip; most regrettable. The Yewfoe refer to foreplay as tongue-play. Long tongues searching, exploring, stretching sometimes deep, too deep into a lover's throat. Such tongue-play not advisable, but once amorous and aroused the Yewfoe tongue becomes beyond control and potentially lethal. Not that death by internal strangulation during tongue-play or intercourse raises any Yewfoe eyebrows; they have none. Bald smooth heads, no body or pubic hair, not a wisp of hair, not anywhere. "Let's get smooth!" means naked.

Inside the Yewfoe mouth are found strong sharp bright white denture perfection, seldom seen. The Yewfoe smile reluctantly. Artificial teeth cause no embarrassment, all Yewfoe teeth are artificial. It's the tongue. Smiling reveals too much tongue. Although the younger Yewfoe often smile teasingly, revealing an otherwise concealed puce tongue. Teased elders caution with, "Enjoy your youth while you can." "In the blink of an eye you'll be just like us." And it's true. Although the Yewfoe live an average 170 years, youth is but a brief mere first 30 years. Following youth, enduring longevity takes hold with an ever extending tell-tale tongue divulging true age. Younger Yewfoe avoid older lovers, yes age is repulsive! But more so, youthful elegant tongues cannot match it with a mature, muscley, rapacious oral appendage.

"Behind every rapid promotion are many tongues." especially so in the military and a higher incidence of death by misadventure. Cadet corpse naked, eyes wide open, bulging, a bruised inner neck, and the commanding officer found responsible more than twice; sideways they go.

A centurion finds it difficult to attract a lover half her age, even though sexually active for another perhaps fifty years. Rapid physical and mental decay mark the final dozen years.

Techno-food! Undoubtedly history's most damning testimony to a Patriarchal past. Flourishing obesity, artificial flavoring, excessive calories, sub-nutritious, vitamin deprived, hormone dependent, sweeter than sweet, effortless and chic, refashioned fatty fodder. Clogged capillaries, heaving hearts and lungs, overloaded organs, unbroken flatulence and sobbing, sleep deprived citizens cursed by and cursed with incessant snoring, a plague upon the planet. Daily sweet slaughter, the Yewfoe oral hygiene reduced to putrid, perishing enamel headstones.

Ever astute technocrats circumvent recrimination and a public inquiry into nutrition, responding with an overwhelming and irresistible marketing campaign. "Denture Adventure": eradicate the tooth gene. Implant artificial denture anchors in new born children. Replace milk teeth with artificial toddler's teeth and so on at each growth stage. The response? Immediate public acceptance!

Sufferings from soaring cost projections (as if unexpected), "Denture Adventure's" actual costs per capita exceed original projections by 800%. Omitted from the equation were fang dangle fashion conscious teenage Yewfoe, costing parents a flashy fortune. Oral hygiene restored, techno-food went on to survive and thrive another century. Scales of obesity unbending until the techno-reforms.

These days, raw foods are popular, along with cereals, lashings of vegetables, and meats in small portions. Today's Yewfoe is mindful that it's the intrinsicator performing most activity. Therefore roughage, essential vitamins and minerals, and a prudent calorie intake make for an enlightened healthy Yewfoe, enjoying longevity and Sentinel Sister's sober approval.

The Patriarchal past's excessive alcohol indulgence incited demand for strict temperance following the reforms. Although not outlawed, alcohol consumption is a frowning offence, a social slur even when moderately partaken. Obviously enough there's no slur involving medications containing alcohol. Bye the by, alcohol based medicines are in no greater demand than other medicine, it's just the empty containers rarely see the bin.

Back to Yewfoe physiology; a sharp, small, inefficient organ, the nose's proximity to the brain prohibits enhancement from the intrinsicator.

Where the long elongated neck begins to shoulder, two slender arms evolve. Digits are five on each hand but the more finger like thumb provides greater dexterity but a weaker grip. A rounded underside torso has evolved, not flat like a ten pin, because the Yewfoe never touch base. [Land]

Yewfoe legs, long obsolete, two slight stumps linger on as a limb legacy. The bygone dimensions more slender but otherwise similar to human legs. Pear headed ten-pins darting horizontally mid air somewhere, or else vertically milling in conversation, yes gossiping, best describe Yewfoe.

First devised as an auditory enhancement, intrinsicator upgrades helped advance space flight beyond the Yewfoe galaxy. Intrinsicators bring two prime benefits, space-craft's compaction and power to weight ratio. Firstly slashing provisions, the intrinsicator performs tasks previously resourced by crew member metabolism. Secondly, crewmember legs made redundant were amputated thus achieving substantial reduction in the space-craft's overall dimensions. The amputee space adventurer obviously retained his intrinsicator on returning home. All Yewfoe crave this new technology, desperately wanting to fly. The bureaucratic solution for such unanticipated demand stipulates that only those individuals prepared to sacrifice their legs, as did the space adventurers, are eligible for upgraded intrinsicator implantation. Overstretched surgeon arms aching, desperate for sleep, lop the planet's legs off in less than five years. Two hundred years on and Yewfoe legs are noticeably smaller at birth. Five hundred years on, legs vanish, reduced to lingering stumps. Leg amputation surgeons laid off; casualty to accelerated evolution.

No legs you ask? Does this suggest problems? We're not describing human evolution whereby matters of toilet and sex would be of great concern indeed if legs were to vanish. The Yewfoe matters of toilet and sexual organs are located in their armpits. Left armpit anus, right armpit vagina or penis: except of course for the left handed whereby the anus resides under the right arm and the sexual bits are found under the left.

How do they do it? With tremendous difficulty, minimal satisfaction, and more out of duty until the arrival of intrinsicator flight. Now! A sexual free-for-all, hovering ten-pins face opposite, tongues search into welcoming mouths. Right arm secures around partners neck, slowly at first they revolve mid-air. Velocity increases, tilting begins, in and out, penetration gradually increasing; no hurry just yet. Momentum gathers pace with increasing penetration until both ten-pins become parallel in upper tilt and torsos bump in lower tilt. Hence Yewfoe vernacular for copulation is gyration.

At the moment of climax, Yewfoe arms outstretch in uncontrolled elation, releasing their partner. Armpit unions broken at high speed, Yewfoe fly off, out of control in opposite directions. The Yewfoe climaxing arm-release can eventually be overcome through experience and momentous self-control, very practical in confined spaces such as a spaceship's Captain's cabin.

Young and inexperienced Yewfoe are encouraged to practice safe sex. Helmets and body protection are encouraged but seldom employed, "Getting smooth" and wild and out of control, much too intoxicating for a novice couple. "Blind Date Tethering" however became fashionable; copulating couples bound together at the shoulder so neither flies off, out of control. The tether swivels onto a rope anchored to the ground. A most practical device, almost eliminating death or serious bodily injury. Fornicating novices need only be wary of the occasional strangulation which can occur if one party finds them self gyrating upside down. Tutors encourage students to keep a level head when losing one's virginity. Inverted gyration and other kinky positions are strongly discouraged for novices.

Of course if both parties are left-handed the positions are reversed and left arms secure the partner's neck. If one partner's left-handed and the other right, Yewfoe couples face in the same direction with the left-handed partner's left arm around the right handed partner's neck, and the right handed partner's right arm around the left handed partner's neck. For this to be possible the left handed partner must be to the right of the right handed partner. And although straightforward enough most Yewfoe find it problematic facing in the same direction because no twirling and tilting effect will occur, unless of course, one partner can conquer reverse gyration. Reverse flight involves painstaking application, not easily achieved. On the whole, the Yewfoe despise reverse flight. However once successfully mastered an immediate popularity boost follows, especially so for the lucky left handed.

At less than eight percent of the population nearly all left handed Yewfoe somehow master reverse flight and enjoy huge demand from the right handed population desiring kinky sex [All].

This brief and simple explanation of Yewfoe sexual physiology describes heterosexual encounters. As previously mentioned virtually all males are banished to far flung colonies and very little heterosexual activity takes place. Actually, heterosexual activity only occurs when clucky females take a breeder. And for the past hundred years or so, Yewfoe women prefer artificial insemination as their breeding option. "Designer Baby" technology although available was outlawed because all mothers requested black eye, creamy white complexion, left handed, female off-spring.

The lone surviving DNA designer technology "Denture Adventure" lobbies to endure even though a reformed Yewfoe diet makes it redundant. Some of the richest Yewfoe, including several "Sentinel Sisters" have dental family roots.

Yewfoe dress now unisex, a techno-reform outcome; fashion statements, branding, male marketing ploys all wiped along with the paternal past. Legless overalls best describe a comfortable, practical, drab garment that underestimates two ample female breasts located mid chest. Actually female fashion demise commenced with shoes becoming obsolete.

Gestation takes eight months, newborn are small, two kilo's considered large and a three kilo baby extremely painful via an armpit birth canal. Most women opt for Caesarian birth if the embryo weighs more than two kilos. A small chest scar, soon cosmetically heals, much preferable to vaginal restoration and the screaming pain delivering a two kilo plus ten-pin in a natural armpit birth.

The intrinsicator remains dormant until suckling ceases, flying lessons begin at approximately the third birthday. Until this time, infants crawl on the ground aided by a bogey wheel attached under the torso; arms effortlessly ferry the inquisitive infant around and about. Robots conversing with other nursery robots, maintain a watchful gaze on the ground. Proud mothers hovering above, utter admiring remarks about their daughter's social interaction. Unfortunate sons cared for only by robots.

Flying infants remain mother's responsibility along with nursery robot helpers until progeny attain their wings. Maternal responsibility finishes when the infant enters into society's care at age five. Mother and daughter become distant in only a short time as each goes about their independent lives. Daughters develop into a academic focused students. Career, colleagues and social sanctity await mother's return, maternal duty well done.


	2. Unlikely Best Friends

About to graduates with Honors in Marine Biology from San Diego University California, believe it or not she's never snorted cocaine, inhaled marijuana, ingested or indulged in an illegal substance.

Occasionally enjoys wine with a meal and sometimes drinks a few beers but never too many. Suffered one hangover, never again and fears more so loss of self-control.

This girl's priorities and passions: academic excellence, flying lessons, scuba diving, charity work. And found time to go on several dates but never twice with the same guy. Yes! A virgin; not your typical 21st Century Girl?

Georgette Jones, an Aussie girl living in the USA. Does she participate in anal, oral, multiple, heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual encounters? The answer "No". Classmates ask, 'Do you masturbate?' Georgette's reply; a singular confident wry smile.

Juliet Smith suspects Georgette's wry reply not so an admission but deflection. Branded by now "a virtuous Dickens heroin"; too good to be true!

Nor has she sought breast enlargement or other cosmetic surgery. And no reasonable person would begrudge Georgette's breasts an additional inch or two.

Georgette's one redeeming vice? Juliette Smith, her best and only friend. It's "Jools" or "Smithy" depending on Georgette's disposition. Mostly it's "Smithy" because Juliet desperately desires to partake at least in one, if not all of the activities listed above. She describes in detail her latest new life wish experience. ''Georgy Girl Hon, imagine this threesome. You, me and some gorgeous guy we pick up …'

'Smithy! I'm trying to ….' Quips Georgette blocking her ears, attempting to get her head around some new academic paradigm introduced at her last lecture.

'Sorry Hun! Sorry, a twosome's just fine, me and the gorgeous guy.'

Classmates tease Juliet. 'The Goody Girl lets you hang around her; Angel Slut duo. Guess which one is slut ha ha ha?'

Five foot seven, light olive complexion, curvy, and buxom courtesy of breast enlargements not really needed. Juliet's shoulder length hair color varies every month or two, never complimenting her dark brown Mediterranean eyes. Physicality poses no problems even compared to Georgette. And with legs long enough to turn any male's head and many a female too, Juliet recognizes classmate jealousy. Even so, Juliet's at a loss; why is she Georgette's best and only friend?

After a fierce fight with Mum, Juliet slips away from home; no money, it's midnight and nowhere to go. Georgette first looks through the peep hole before opening her door.

'Surprise Hon!'

High school acquaintances, meet- up again at San Diego uni, and become better acquainted. Georgette lives close to the campus and invites Juliette to her studio apartment for coffee. This was three years past, the day before the midnight doorbell surprise. They now share a two bedroom apartment organized by Juliet's Mum.

Academically in the top dozen at her prestigious Sydney High School; though no sports star she made the netball team and loves the water, sometimes managing a place in the school swimming carnival. Following her mother's mysterious death the paparazzi never give Amanda any peace or respect. That's right Georgette is really Amanda Day, daughter and heir to Australia's richest man; Montezuma Day. Age fifteen she quietly disappears from school and went abroad and assumes a new identity in the USA. She adapts to a new school, new country, new way of life and anonymity. Disappearing from Sydney denied "goodbyes" to Amanda's very close friends, a heart wrenching experience. Finally Dad permits some simple notes to her five best friends. "Dears! I miss you all but must escape Sydney before the paparazzi destroy my life. Hope we can all meet again, some future time. Love and best wishes Amanda."

What do these two improbable best friends mutually share? Firstly don't bother looking for their Facebook pages. Relishing new found anonymity, FB is the last thing Georgette needs in her life. Poor Juliet reveled in catfights back in high school; brawl and bully back the best class room bitches. Now at uni no FB she's defenseless, out of the game after swearing an oath to Mum never to FB or sex-text ever again. Fear of losing her allowance, and Juliet's healthy respect for the most formidable female in her life, reins in her social page aspirations. Both girls often appear on classmate Facebook posts, especially so the much detested "Aussie Angel" photo shopped hanging out with uglys.

Not physically formidable, Juliet's Mum, slightly shorter, slimmer than her only child, creamy complexion and young beyond her forty five years keeps close tabs on a naughty adventurous daughter. 'Don't ruin your life, no drugs, no drink driving, no underage drinking, simply put Juliet no criminal record.' And another piece of advice, one Juliette chose to ignore, 'No distinguishing marks especially! Are you listening? No tattoos'.

Juliet's doting dream, a small gold, green and blue butterfly, fluttering behind her left shoulder. A self-eighteenth birthday gift, why not? A token tattoo, small, yet big enough to assert adult independence. When mum pulled open the shower door, colorful little butterfly discovered, it was off to a clinic, the butterfly and Independence both gone. Juliet bears no distinguishing scars, flawless skin, even though a robust child, more so as a teenager, suffering several telltale accidents; off to a clinic, scars and painful memories vanish.

Age nineteen, hating university, craving freedom, craving independence, Juliet confronts her Mum. 'I don't care what you say. I'm considering breast enlargement and if you ….'

'Wise move girl!' interrupts Mum. 'Let me book you into a discreet, very professional clinic. What size, what shape?'

No FB, no small tattoo, but a Boob Job is Okay? Juliet's mouth opens to protest but no words follow.

'A girl needs decent ammo to survive this world. Not too big! Not too bouncy, how does that sound?' After a slight pause, 'You've got brains girl, but don't know how to use them yet.' And Mum with the biggest smile Juliet's seen in ages 'I was the same at your age.'

Secondly, both girls are virgins, but only one by choice. Juliet actually supposed there must be something wrong with her. Young men, older men, and all ages between; businessmen, construction workers, even doctors and sometimes nurses; she catches eyes locking onto her. My physical image must be either attractive, unless, good God no, not abnormal; sliding self-image, sliding confidence. What's wrong with me?

There's been many a boy, young man or older man chat Juliet and ask her out. And when Juliet suggests some grass or coke to liven up the party? Well! Promises never delivered. One stud student, Juliet was prepared, condoms in her handbag and one in each bra cup just in case she lost her hand bag. But he dropped out of uni the very same day, seemingly dropped off the planet before poor desperate Juliet can "get it off".

Thirdly, neither girl has family photos in the apartment;. Georgette's Koala hugging Aussie flag poster decorates one lounge room wall; Juliet's 2005 "King Kong" movie poster dominates opposite. Georgette's notebook desktop, a whale pod spouting water when the screen remains idle. Juliet's desktop, a Naomi Watts still from "Mulholland Drive" a movie neither Juliet nor anyone else understands but one and all find interesting.

Juliette's Mum only visits occasionally and only when Georgette is away, otherwise Juliet visits Mum's overnight two or three times a month. In other words Georgette is yet to meet Juliet's mum.

Thankful and relaxed her final exam out of the way, Georgette picks up two six packs of beer from the local liquor store.

Not looking at the label Juliet gasps 'My fav-o-rite beer Hon!' And says 'Cheers' before Georgette can open herself a bottle.

'Tell the truth!' says Georgette after her first mouthful, 'Looking forward to tasting Aussie beer again; nothing like a coldie on a hot day!'

'What's the celebration? You goin' back to Aussie Hon?'

After six years absence, Juliet's question unexpectedly prompts a desire to visit back home. Exam's out of the way, the following three months free, her thesis proposal prepared online.

Georgette grins; Juliet asks 'Taking me with you Hon?'

'Why not Jools? ' Responds Georgette then wonders "was that my voice just then"? Back in Oz, how can she explain Juliette to her five best friends she suddenly now longs to catch up again. And a holiday away from Juliet's inane chatter will be a welcome break too. "Why not?" … "Why so?" how did this happen? Georgette opens another beer for herself.

'Wow! So quick Hon! Let's celebrate! To our trip together Downunder! Cheers! Boogie time.' Juliet shakes out her hair and shakes her arse. 'When do we go?'

'Give me your passport. I'll book the tickets.'

'Passport? A passport just to visit Aussie Hon. I'm American.'

'Even so Smithy! Americans need passports to exit and, and renter their own country. Have you ever travelled outside the USA? '

'No Hon!'

'Jools! Ever been just down the road to Mexico?'

'No Mexico! Not even Canada Hon; this is God's own country. It's all here!'

'There is life outside America you know, hope Smithy you're ready to spread your wings girl?'

'Hon! How does one go about this passport business?'

'Should be simple enough! ID, such as a birth certificate, social security, driver's license, 2x2 photos, pay the money and away you go.'

Í better speak with … you know who Hon. Passport, permission and cash.'

'You do have? You need a credit card to travel!'

Juliet calls Mum expecting refusal. No! Mum's quite enthusiastic for her to travel with Georgette. 'Mum Hon! You don't know this Downunder girl; and you trust her already?' Call finishes, puzzled Juliet says 'Mum can't get rid of me quick enough. I'm good to go Hon! Passports, whatever will arrive in a few days.'

'Let's celebrate! Another beer? ' Suggests Georgette, amber fluid loosens-up the Aussie. 'Exactly what wondrous sights have you seen in God's own country? The Grand Canyon?'

'Of course Hon, Mum and I flew it in a chopper. I thought the old pilot, sky-high on drugs! Mum said probably a "Nam" veteran; ever so exciting!'

'Í did the Grand Canyon on a mule.' Georgette replies rubbing her left buttock. 'What about the airplane museum parked out in the desert, been there Hon Hon?' Georgette's fourth beer kicks in.

'Statue of Liberty, Broadway, the "King Kong" building, New York! New York! I've seen the sights Hon.'

'When?'

'Daddy was still alive, maybe I was eight or nine years of age. He called me his "Precocious Hon"!'

'What happened to your father?'

'I refuse to answer your questions Miss Jones.'

'Why?'

'Because I don't know what happened to him. No more questions please Hon.'

Passport, credit cards and a DVD arrive by express courier within two days. A card says "Guard the DVD with your life and don't lose it."

'I'll book our flights. Let's see! What's available?'

Online travel login, Georgette types quickly, seats available? Yes! Passenger names exactly as per passports. Georgette's details entered first; no problems. She takes the new passport from Juliet who wonders where this photo was taken.

'What's going on here?' cries Georgette examining both passports. 'Jones! Jones! Where's Smith?'

Surprised, Juliet takes back her passport, never before seen Georgette flustered so! Not even when described a most wicked dream. Juliet points to her passport photo. 'That's me Hon! See!'

'The name, look at the name!'

'Juliet Jones! Wow! Travelling as sisters Hon! Mum thinks of everything!' She hugs Georgette in a big family way.

'What happened to Smith?'

'Smith? Jones?' Contemplates Juliet massaging her chin. 'Mmmm! Interchangeable names, that's it Hon! Lucky for us interchangeable, sisters!'

What have I done? Ponders Georgette suddenly wishing for a beer. I'm travelling on a false passport accompanied by God knows who. Nobody can be so dumb. Or she's the greatest actress ever and I'm completely taken in. It's me, me the dummy. Juliet's an imposter, far worse, more sophisticated than me. Better make sure we get separate seats. I don't want to be with her when one of us is arrested and dragged off the plane.

'Oh! Did I forget to mention, we must go via the Philippines first, then Australia.'

'Whatever Georgy Girl. Phillip! Phillip Pines? A classmate naughty Georgy, you never made mention of this Philip before. Stud material Hon? A pre-down -under tour?' Juliet breaks into her little wicked laugh.

It's back to the local liquor store, Georgette's second time this week.

Arriving back home, the Aussie girl discovers Juliet examining the DVD. 'Hon look at this.' Pointing to the DVD's home printed label. A date; last month, and see this, "Remember this number 205205201264." How can I possibly remember such a long number Hon? Took years to remember my cell number. Anyway let's watch the DVD together. I waited for you Hon. Aren't I just a goody, goody girl sometimes? Where's my beer? '

The DVD begins. Georgette's first thought; there's some mix-up here. Anticipating a home video; Juliet as a child, this appears to be porn. It is porn! 'Who's the acrobat? Georgette wonders aloud'.

'My Mum Hon!'

Georgette swallows half her beer, seeking reality in a bottle. Now a camera closes up, beer swiftly seeks escape. The Aussie girl sprints, spewing forth, froth and foam before making the bathroom floor.

Juliet watches Mum's DVD all the way through before investigating Georgette's very loud, violently ill episodes, echoing from the bathroom.

'American beer upsetting you Hon?'


	3. Planet-E

Planet-E radio transmissions dissipate across the "Milky Way and first alert the Yewfoe of an alternative complex life form. Jubilation following Planet-E's discovery soon sours; males control the dominant "human" species. And humans appear obsessed with technology and the pursuit of power.

Political fragmentation, ethnic atrocities, ethically unhinged humans alarm Sentinel Sisters. Should advanced Yewfoe technology fall into human hands, universal disaster and desolation are sure to ensue.

Venturing onto Planet-E's surface without Sentinel Sister's explicit permission is prohibited and human contact strictly forbidden; offenders to suffer banishment. Sightseeing in the safety of Planet-E's atmosphere remains lawful and flourishes. Inquisitive Yewfoe spacecraft frequently visit throughout the 20th century.

Everything "E", every snippet and shred, fact and figure, immeasurable statistics, every broadcast, narrowcast, cable, microwave and satellite communication the Yewfoe download onto a dedicated E-database. A perfect diversion, male Yewfoe colonists forget their misery, monotony, and any plans of mutiny. E-data addiction; fathom the unfathomable infinite data.

Pouring through E-data, colonial E-buffs particularly treasure human humour. Not that it makes them laugh. Colonists somehow profit when observing human laughter and wonder did the Yewfoe ever laugh. It's generally agreed amongst colonist; humor is not so much a lost peculiarity, there's simply no record or recall of it ever existing in Yewfoe society. The primary theorizing amongst Yewfoe men now becomes the question of acquiring the ability to laugh. Though pessimists bent on spoiling the debate, insist they have nothing to laugh about and until they do, all the theorizing under a Colonial sun isn't going to get any laughs. Optimists counter-assert, that humans often laugh in the face of danger. Pessimist's mouths open wide, bodies' double-up, arms restraining ribs, eyes tearful, but no noise. No laughter, chuckle or chortle, even though the Yewfoe male is in danger; real danger of becoming extinct.

"Old History" (archives pertaining to pre techno-reform and made redundant by "Approved History") are kept hidden on planet Yewfoe and forbidden to all but the inner Sentinel Sanctum. The "Approved History" makes no reference to laughter or humour. E-buffs generally agree that without humour and other unexplained human traits such as sarcasm, mockery and delight in a fellow human's injury, without these attributes a great measure of E-data continues to elude Yewfoe intellectual capacity. How to acquire such traits?

Yewfoe female E-watchers prove curious at first. For instance they hit upon Planet-E roll-on deodorant adverts. Ooooh! So exceedingly arousing, forget tongue play, go directly to gyration. E-watchers fortunate enough to sightsee in Planet-E's atmosphere cannot resist getting smooth and gyrating in and out of fluffy clouds, twirling and twisting amidst splendid rainbows; such natural phenomena unknown on Yewfoe or any other planet or moon.

However E-watchers come across many horrifying behaviors, for example an E-leisure activity; ten pin bowling. Humans propel monster balls at Yewfoe effigies, then jump, clap and often hug with uncontrolled enthusiasm whenever laying waste an entire contingent of ten Yewfoe effigies. Such unexplained aggression, there's been no contact or interaction and never likely to be. Unrelenting hostility to each other and now evidence of hostility toward a completely anonymous species; absolutely no previous Yewfoe and Planet-E contact.

Granted superior technology, Yewfoe expeditions fear not capture although detection of their spacecraft is not unexpected. But the humans inexplicably identify the spacecraft. No contact made, yet the earthlings boldly and accurately proclaims every sighting as another UFO. Miss spelt yes; otherwise correct. Do earthlings possess paranormal powers?

And yet another unnerving event, the destruction of planet Krypton, strangely undetected by Yewfoe observatories dotting the universe. An undoubtedly inferior species, humans somehow detect Krypton's obliteration and capture the extraordinary event in graphic detail.

Revoke all E-data privileges. Better yet! Cease all E-Planet expeditions including sightseeing. Many sisters sense impending menace. Male emancipation, techno-resurgence, war and cold-blooded cruelty must result from popularizing E-Planet human behavior. Petitions oddly ignored, Sentinel Sisters continue expeditions to Planet-E and colonial access to E-data.

Aside from humor "Fast Food" becomes the most puzzling and contradictory behavior observed by Colonial E-buffs. Why eat when allegedly fasting? Why endorse foods specific to fasting, when the very notion of fasting involves the absence of food? And why eat so much? Fascinating stuff; no wonder each and every colonist becomes an E-data addict.

"Fast Food" typifies so many confounding human traits; perpetuating an obvious non-truth as in fact being truth, until the populace accept and acknowledge a falsehood as fact. "Fast Food" is the most unpretentious and flawed example of a non-truth, unlike surreptitious intangibles such as "Justice System", "Faith" , "Freedom" or "Democracy". Yet it works admirably. In fact the best educated and prosperous humans embrace the brazen propaganda with enthusiasm. Less fortunate humans appear unaffected by "Fast Food". Although it must be said, consuming untruths must be a luxury. As underprivileged populations begin to prosper, they too consume and embrace the untruth.

Perpetuating a living-lie, its psychological significance perplexing, completely escapes E-buff logic, further fuelling absorption and addiction. However E-buffs fear for their human counterpart's fated demise. Elitist arrogance is it destined to mirror the Yewfoe male and ultimately condemn them to impotency and ostracism?

Initially enticed to newly discovered Planet-E, Yewfoe women become bored and frustrated with everything masculine; some fear a Yewfoe male revival. Planet-E's "Women's Liberation Movement" half a century on recaptures E-watcher attention and support for E-sisters.

And what angers reclaimed E-Watchers most? "Fast Food" and "Fast Food" packaging; a male conspiracy that dupes human mothers to believe that they and their children have healthy, happy lives. When "Female Liberation" replaces egocentric male greed, short beneficial fasts will replace a lifelong gluttonous fast, whereby humans will in fact fast, that is not ingest food. Angered E-watchers demand intervention; accelerate E-Sister liberation. Sentinel Sisters declare, "Process must go forward organically, E-Sister strength and willpower will prevail, and their suffering avenged."

E-buffs and E-watchers alike, dread the prospect of a techno-food fiasco on Planet-E and perilous consequence for human society, if it survives. Planet Yewfoe was fortunate to survive its techno-food crisis.

Male colonist petition Sentinel Sisters to mount an expedition and recover traces of Kryptonite. E-data offers the ill-fated planet's location. Considerable debate develops concerning Krypton's authenticity; colonial male curiosity eventually concedes to the opposing, overpowering female bureaucracy.


End file.
